After watching the debate last night, I’ve made a decision. I’m voting Liberal.
I mean, who doesn’t love driving on pothole-filled roads that destroy your suspension while we send billions overseas for gender studies? Priorities, right?
And housing? Overrated. Cardboard boxes are actually eco-friendly. Living on the street is just my way of doing my part for the planet.
I’m also a big fan of footing the bill for people to move here only to protest our country and burn our flag. Nothing says “thank you” like a good ol’ flag fire.
$40 for a steak? Love it. Who needs meat anyway? Inflation is just the price we pay for… well, something. I’m sure CBC will tell me what.
Speaking of CBC — I love how the Liberals funnel our tax dollars to the media every election to make sure we get the correct information. Free speech is dangerous, after all. Best we all just wait to be told what to think.
And let’s not forget the corruption. There’s something comforting about knowing our leaders can steal with impunity. It’s like living in a real-life Netflix drama — except we’re the ones paying for it.
Gun control? Yes please. Only the government should be allowed to protect themselves. The rest of us can just call 911 and hope for the best — or hug the criminal until they feel bad.
Crime policies? Iconic. You can rape and murder and still make it home for dinner. But heaven forbid you protest — then it’s jail without bail. Justice!
And the Liberal overdose plan? Chef’s kiss. Nothing says compassion like handing addicts their next fix on the taxpayer dime.
Let’s not forget our inclusive immigration strategy — bring in anyone, especially those who despise our way of life. That’s how we build unity.
And if it all gets to be too much? Don’t worry. We have MAiD — medical assistance in dying. Feeling sad? Depressed? Can’t afford groceries? The government’s happy to help… you end it all. It’s not a death policy, it’s compassionate communism.
So yeah… I’m voting Liberal. Because why fix the circus when you can just cheer for the clowns?
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