IF YOU WERE PUTIN…

The chiseled muscle of KGB training, brought up by the USSR superpower in the expansive borders over approximately fifty ethnic tongues and enormous landmass - would you wait to take back soil-rich Ukraine with its Black Sea ports? Let's examine.

We're talking about the same Ukraine that that one fun-loving Democrat, Willy Clinton, talked into giving up its entire nuclear arsenal, consequently reducing it to nothing more than defenseless beach-front real estate property begging for NATO's "likes".

If you were him, would you not glance once or twice at feeble Europe, her feckless leaders and her remarkable dependency on Putin's energy supplies? Would you not rush to reinstate mother Russia to her previous imperialistic glory at a time when Europe is slouching, sniffling and begging you softly to keep her brick and mortar heated during winter months?

And what if the biggest economy in Europe, Frau Germany, was your main hostage, completely beholden to you for almost all of her supply of natural gas, would you not seize the moment?

If you were him, that genius strategist and cunning brain, would you have overlooked the glaring fact that the greatest super power in the world CHOSE to punish itself by electing the embarrassment known as Joe Biden? A squinting old man struggling to read cue cards and in a permanent state of fog over simple words, locations and political issues? A geriatric sniffing expert who proclaimed repeatedly that the biggest threat to the world is .... wait for it.... wait for it.... global warming...!

Would you not fall off your chair when you learn that the same fraudulently elected Chief of your most serious adversary is punishing his own people by cutting them off from newly-established energy independence...? From the most enviable position of financial competence, strength, sustainability, efficiency and ethical exploration?! A policy of self-inflicted arduous sanctions on every single American by the hand of its leader?! And then stunningly begin importing oil from the Russian reserves...? unfathomable but true.

If you were the naked man on a white horse, would you not take note of the same Chief's inability to airlift his people out of that warring Islamic country of "Ukraine, no, ...Iraq? no, wait...Afghanistan?" Heck, he couldn't even remember the name of that tragic country! And then went on to defend his astonishing incompetence while the world watched in horror the life-or-death desperation of Americans, Afghanis and women in the Taliban nightmare called "Made by Biden"! When its this easy and inviting, why the hell wouldn't Putin invade Ukraine?

If you were him, would you have chosen deafness when incoherent Biden announced you should play nice but will look the other way at your "small incursions"? A jaw-dropping carte blanche for invasion of Ukraine with the beautifully ambiguous interpretation of "incursion". Exceptional, even by Biden standards.

If you were Puttin' On The Ritz, would you not dance at the sight of the daily $1 Billion US (from 10,000,000 barrels of export) pouring into your coffers from the sale of energy to the on-her-knees-Europe and a few others? Would you care that they cut you off a bit when you can sell every last drop of black gold to your buddy in China?

And why the hell would you care about some "deterring" sanctions, when the old ones have never been lifted and the new threatening ones don't kick in until you've proved to be a very naughty boy? "Deterring"? In whose world and by which dictionary?

And why would you even try to avoid these futile sanctions when your citizens are entirely used to centuries of strife, poverty and potato-eating? A public that hangs on to your every word, worships your iron fist, and listens exclusively to your state-owned media. The public that values a show of strength and steely resolve a thousand times more than 5 grams of beluga on a keto cracker.

And incidentally, why would the man wait to halt Ukraine's grain supplies to the risible western world? The only gluten-free export to western borders!If you were Vladimir, why would you not invade when that funny guy, (literally), the President of Ukraine, tells his citizens, on the eve of your invasion, there will be no war, all is cool, there is no threat?! And why would you not invade when you out-gun your neighboring Shumka dancers by an immeasurable factor, while comfortably launching grenades over the border for more than 8 years?

Why would you not go in, seeing that no country, not NATO, nor any western leader has done anything remotely noteworthy to try and stop your 8 years of fun in the Ukrainian sandbox? The same powerful countries obsessing over race, polar bears, transgender bathrooms and vilifying Israel, instead of protecting their national interests and prowess.

Why would you not invade when you got away ever-so-brilliantly with the Crimean annexation? That time when you out-maneuvered the giant Philistine, USA's "red-line" Saint Obama, in a show of grandmaster-chess wizardry! Who could ever forget the staged puppetry of those Crimean elections to justify the invasion? Classic Putin at his best.

If you were him, you sat back with delight to watch race-obsessed militant, Marxist Black Lives Matter take over your city blocks, your police headquarters, set fire and loot everything in sight with absolutely zero consequences...while you jail people for having the wrong sexual orientation. America in suicide mode, who could ask for more?...and that's before we mention Pete Buttigieg, Biden's Transportation Secretary, responsible for supply chain follies and empty shelves but excelling in the art of male breastfeeding. Oh, the lip-smacking entertainment for Vlad!

If you were the brilliant military strategist Putin, would you not belly-laugh when your crazy drunk super Nationalist, Vlad Zhirinovsky, your nemesis for decades, famously proclaims in the State Duma the exact day and time of your Ukrainian invasion to the world ...and no one, I mean no one, in the sleepy west bats an eye...? What utter moron would not invade?

If you were Putin, why would you not seize the day and conquer precisely now when weakling Biden's approval numbers are plummeting and strongman Trump, a political equal, is looming on the 2024 horizon? Why would you ever bet against the return of Trump and the limited window of time left to make your move?

If you were Putin - you would do exactly as he did this week, unless you were comatose or on the moon. Vlad's actions are the fruit of Biden's election and western world's obsession with unfathomably suicidal neo-liberal values. Kudos to Putin. Condolences to Ukraine. But let's blame everything on Trump, shall we?

P.S. did anyone tap Trudeau that Vladimir is toying with Ukraine yet? The pretty boy is much too enamoured with the tyranny of the Emergency Act. A Putin understudy he ain't.

Valerie Sobel

February 24, 2022