Good Housekeeping Maven “Heloise” Takes on the Problem of Islamophobia

A little satire: Ten Hints from Heloise on how Muslims can Fight Islamophobia

As a modern informed woman, homemaking maven Heloise has moved beyond household, diet, beauty, and family matters to the big issues of our times. One of those is Islamophobia. With Islamophobia rampant throughout the world, Heloise weighs in with her suggestions on what Muslims can do to combat this problem.

Here are her Top Ten Helpful Hints for how Muslims can cleanse the world from the stain of Islamophobia.

  • Stop killing people. Over 20,000 people killed in attacks by Muslims since 9/11 gives the appearance that Islam has anger management problems.
  • Stop harassing religious minorities in Islam majority countries. Stop persecuting Iraqi Christians and Iranian Bahais. Leave the Egyptian Copts alone. Those sorts of things make people think that Islam is intolerant.
  • Stop getting so worked up over cartoons and films (well-made or not). It gives the impression that there is no freedom of expression in Islam.
  • If you do get a little exercised about cartoons and films, don’t kill people or burn embassies over it. It gives the appearance of anger management problems (see point 1, above).
  • When you do kill people for whatever reason (and you should really try to avoid that), don’t drag their bodies through the streets while chanting victory slogans praising Allah. That’s just plain rude and disgusting. Besides, it leads people to believe that Allah is a bloodthirsty and vengeful deity.
  • Stop treating women like dirt and covering them up like they were pornographic magazines. When you treat a woman like she’s only worth half a man (or less), it gives the impression that Islam is misogynistic. To help dispel negative views of Islam, encourage your politicians, especially female ones from Kuwait, not to advocate the sex slavery of female war captives as a solution to marital problems.
  • Even if you don’t like women, stop killing them, especially if they’re your daughters. Being responsible for 91% of honour killings worldwide (and for 96% in Western countries) gives the impression that Islam has male supremacy and control issues. While you’re at it, you might consider easing up on homosexuals as well.
  • Stop the name-calling. Words like kuffar and infidel are really hurtful. And threatening to behead kuffars who insult Islam or the Prophet or the Koran actually causes people to associate Islam with violence.
  • When you move to Western countries, don’t set up hostile exclusionary enclaves where you try to impose sharia law. It creates barriers with your fellow citizens and leads to the impression that Islam is stuck in the 7th century.
  • Stop with the Jihad talk already! When you talk about making the whole world Dar al-Islam and establishing a worldwide caliphate under sharia law while subjugating or killing anyone who tries to stand in your way, it gives the impression that Islam is a fascist, totalitarian ideology bent on world domination.

I hope that Muslims around the world will find these hints helpful in dispelling the negative views that many people have about Islam. If you can put them into practice, I think you’ll find that Islamophobia will fade from the fabric of world opinion like an old red wine stain on a white table cloth after the application of hydrogen peroxide.

 

Heloise